McNALLY CAMPBELL & Co SOLICITORS, 42 POPE’S QUAY, CORK, IRELAND.

A solicitor's receptionist that was as mad as a March hare

McNally’s premises on Pope’s Quay, Cork city.

There’s certain places where, no matter how dysfunctional the society, you expect a little decorum and etiquette – a museum, library, hospital, GP’s surgery, solicitor’s office and so forth.

Having experienced atrocious behaviour in four of the five mentioned above I truly believed that I’d seen it all regarding coarseness, aggression and moronism in this particular city – I foolishly thought that it couldn’t possibly get any fucking worse. And was I wrong – oh so fucking wrong.

I needed a solicitor to send a letter and choose McNally Campbell Solicitors because I’d often seen the receptionist, who’s a pleasant looking woman, refreshing herself just outside the office door.

It’s unusual in this city to see or meet a native who’s un-aggressive and mannerly and I put this receptionist’s respectability down to being employed by a solicitor.

Ah, I thought, at least the legal profession in Cork city employ people with a little common sense – and fuck me, did this outfit prove me egregiously wrong.

I went here on a Monday morning with nothing on my mind except to make an appointment and get a legal letter sent to a local moron called Darragh Wiseman. What I wanted done was just run-of-the-mill; to get a letter sent to an annoying moron in hope of getting him to desist from threatening behaviour.

There was I already having a problem with a Cork arsehole, and then what do I encounter manning this solicitor's reception? Not the pleasant female I’d often seen standing just outside the door.

Instead seated at reception was a twenty-something arsehole of unbelievable quantity: a nutter who’d be more at home traipsing around the lawn of a mental-home; an imbecilic grade-inflated half-wit who in any civilised country would be destined to sweep the streets.

The many inbred loonies in Cork have
a viciousness similar to this cat.

He decided that I, and what I wanted done, wasn’t good enough for his firm of provincial Irish solicitors – he’d have been expecting prospective clients to be wearing top hats and tails and to have their valet accompany them.

When I requested an appointment to see a solicitor he reacted with a slack-jawed sarcasm that only a madman† would be capable of. He carried on as if a wet rat had just walked in and sat in the middle of the floor.

This piece-of-shit wanted to know why I needed to see a solicitor; he arrogantly wanted all the details of why I wanted legal assistance. I told him basically that it was none of his business, that I wasn't going to discuss my private affairs with him. He got miffed at this and told me sardonically in regards my requested appointment: ‘we’ll call you’.

There was no way I was going to have anything to do with a solicitor who was backward enough to employ a fucking idiot like this fellow – in Cork you always think you've seen it all regards backwardness and stupidity, but they'll always surprise you and go one better. I gave it a week and then, the following Monday, returned in person with a letter outlining this arsehole's conduct.

When I entered this fucking moron got excited and tried to cower me with aggression. The fucking inbred bastard actually attempted to threaten me, telling me that: "you'll hear from me". I reacted to these threats very robustly which caused a young female who had been close by to flee into the premises' rear. The head solicitor was very probably close by and, more than likely, heard everything, but might have been too cowardly to come forward and rein in her imbecile.

A few weeks later I saw that this firm of solicitors had an advertisement in the window of Solas (an Irish training and employment agency). They were seeking a recently qualified solicitor and I found it very amusing to see that they had added a caveat which stipulated: "applicant must be able to deal with people".

This is similar to the owners of a swimming pool advertising for a life-guard, and stipulating on the advertisement that applicants must be able to swim – in Cork the managers of swimming pools might well have to do this.
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†This moron in McNally Campbell solicitors was actually insane. That he could be employed by a solicitor and planted on reception means that his employer has serious social issues: five minutes spent speaking to this chap would clearly show that he was mentally fucked-up and not fit for any position where he’d be dealing with people – it’s well known that compared to other countries the Republic of Ireland has an unusually high rate of insanity.

And it’s the prevalence of madness in this part of Ireland that leads to mentally-abnormal morons getting unsuitable employment. Imbeciles (like above) can find employment in solicitors’ offices, pharmacies, doctor's surgeries and other unlikely places.

This reflects on Cork society as a whole; if you were to live here for a few months you’d soon discover that they have different criteria for judging mental-defectiveness and insanity. Basically what you’ll find is that outright dribbling-at-the-mouth lunatics are regarded as normal.

It’s hard to analyse if it’s a communal denial or whether the sheer number of nutters they produce have imbued them with an acceptance of madness. I think it's only a matter of time before the United Nations or some other agency has to go in and do something with them.